4 Misconceptions About Married Couples and Separate Bank Accounts (2024)

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If there’s one thing that annoys me, it’s when self-righteous folks tell other folks what they think they should do with their money as if their opinion is the only opinion that is valid.

It’s one thing to offer advice, but it’s another to browbeat someone because they had the gall to decide to do something different than what you would have done. One of those things just so happens to be married couples and separate bank accounts.

Personally, my husband and I made the decision before we got married to have joint finances. We spread our money out over several accounts that we BOTH can access at any time. However, we respect each other enough not to spend money from each other’s individual accounts (I’ll explain later, stick with me). But the point is, there’s no one way to do your finances and if you and your spouse communicate with each other, it’s quite possible to make separate bank accounts work for you.

With this controversial opinion of mine out in the open, I decided I wouldn’t argue the merits of either but I would delve into the common misconceptions folks have about people who decide to have separate bank accounts. These misconceptions often deter good people with honest intentions from trying something that could help them build wealth together.

So, let me get into this really quick, but first, let me add a disclaimer: If you have an opinion contrary to mine, I don’t mind you sharing, but let’s be for damn sure clear on this one thing — don’t attack me.(If you plan to attack, I won’t even entertain you with a response.)

Related Reading: 6 Savings Account Every Family Needs to Have

4 Misconceptions About Married Couples and Separate Bank Accounts (1)

4Misconceptions About Married Couples and Separate Bank Accounts

Separate bank accounts mean you don’t trust your spouse.

The lies. Like seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

So, let me clear up some things first. Separate is not always about trust for some people. People choose to have separate bank accounts for all sorts of reasons and sometimes it just makes life easier for them.

My husband and I have separate bank accounts that we spend our discretionary funds from and I can tell you it doesn’t have anything to do with trust. I trust my husband when it comes to our finances and he trusts me.

Matter of fact, we both can look at what the other has been spending, but the thing is that we don’t. I don’t have time to be checking my husband’s extra spending coins. And what if I check his statement and end up surprised?

And I’m not talking about surprised as in the fact he’s spent money on a second family or something like that. But what if he decided to sneak into Jared’s and buy a girl diamonds for Mother’s Day and I ruin the surprise because I wanna be all nosey?

See, for me, that’s a whole other problem. That’s called insecurity. And if your spouse has given you a reason to feel insecure financially or otherwise, your marriage has bigger issues and it doesn’t have anything to do with coins.

Stop judging folks on this misconception that having separate bank accounts means you don’t trust your spouse. Also, don’t take to heart when someone judges you because you choose to keep a separate account either (because seriously, they just don’t know any better).

I’m part of the camp that says, do you. Do what’s best for you and your financial situation and if a separate bank account helps you and your partner manage your money in a way that helps you achieve your financial goals, so be it.

Separate bank accounts means a lack of respect for your marriage.

Misconception #2 is that having a separate bank account means you lack respect for the institute of marriage. <insert eye roll> Chile, please.

I’ve seriously heard this before and I call bull on this lie. Keeping separate bank account does not mean you’re not a team player when it comes to your marriage.

Separate bank accounts is simply a means to an end. There are hundreds of different ways to manage your finances efficiently and if pulling your money from one account that you have together worked for you, then that’s great.

But for many, the lack of structure in their finances is exactly what keeps them in struggleville. The lack of respect comes in to play when your communication skills suck.

It’s just as easy for someone with joint bank accounts as it is with separate bank accounts to lack the necessary communication skills to become financially independent.

If you want to talk respect, learn how to listen to the needs of the other spouse and make a decision that will work best for all parties involved.

Don’t just assume that wanting to do something different means you don’t have any respect for anyone else. If anything, it means you respect yourself first and that’s always a MUST when it comes to any relationship.

Separate bank accounts mean you don’t want to be married.

This one tickles me. I hate this whole idea that you need to lose your independence just because you want to get married. My husband is grown and I’m grown.

I don’t want my husband coming to me and asking me every other week if it’s okay for him to purchase his favorite grooming products at the drugstore.

Likewise, he doesn’t want me coming to him asking him if it’s okay that I grab fingernail polish or a pair of earrings. To deal with this issue, we have a husband and a wife account where we can make discretionary purchases without living in a parent-childlike relationship.

Just because we chose this setup does not mean we don’t want to be married to each other. It means we respect each other enough to give each other room to be an adult.

Your finances shouldn’t be set up as a means of controlling the other person. That’s the type of ish that will have you in divorce court. As long as you’re both clear and have discussed the expected uses of the money in your individual accounts, it’s all good and don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.

Separate bank accounts mean no access.

This brings me to the final misconception about married folks and separate bank accounts — no access. This definitely needs to be debunked.

My husband and I have joint finances that include the following bank accounts: husband account, wife account, a separate bank account for bills (including the children’s stuff), emergency savings, car maintenance fund, etc. We have more than that, but my exact system isn’t important for this discussion.

What’s important for you to understand is that both of our names are on the accounts and we both have access to the funds. Why?

Well, if something happens to my husband tomorrow, I will need access to the money in his husband account. Instead of filling out a bunch of paperwork and dealing with certain legalities, I’m actually an authorized user of the account. I have a debit card with my name on it. He has the same access to my personal account too.

This is where people get it twisted. I’m not a proponent of having secret accounts and hiding things from the other person unless you’re being abused and need to get out of the ugly situation. That’s a whole other topic for another day.

Having access to each other’s account is where trust and basic mutual respect comes into play. Even though you have access to the account, you need to respect your spouse enough not to take some of his discretionary funds just because you blew through your money.

And you also have to trust that the person isn’t doing things with their funds that you wouldn’t necessarily approve of. You know, stuff like making it rain at the strip club or something. If any of these problems exist, you need to be worried about more than separate bank accounts.

4 Misconceptions About Married Couples and Separate Bank Accounts (2)

How to Make Separate Bank Accounts Work For You

So, let’s make this really simple in case some of you are about to get married or you’re already married and you want to try something different. Here’s how you can make separate bank accounts work for you.

1. Ignore the naysayers.

Yes, first and foremost, opinions that aren’t paying your bills are irrelevant. As long as you and your spouse are in agreement and are working towards financial independence, stop listening to those opinions that go against what you know is right for you.

2. Be super clear on why you’re creating separate bank accounts.

If you’re creating separate accounts because a spouse struggles with overspending, uses all of the money for gambling or something like that, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

Yes, it is a solution to what you’re dealing with, but it’s not addressing the root issue. It won’t fix the problem.

Be clear about your intentions and face reality if you need to do so. If a spouse needs help or you need help, deal with the problem and don’t just use separate accounts as a band-aid.

3. Communication will make or break you.

If you both have decided to create separate accounts to segregate money for certain expenses, communicate with each other about your progress as needed.

For example, the wife may have an account she uses to purchase groceries and kid-related things and she continues to run out of money every month.

If that happens, you both need to come to an agreement about your financial goals and adjust your budget expenses to make sure you’re spending in alignment with your goals. Without communication, any financial management system will fail.

4. View all money as “ours”.

Look, I get it. Deep down no one likes the thought of someone using us, but this is your spouse. You’re not carrying your significant other if you make more money than them. You’re a team and it’s best to look at all the money that comes into the house as belonging to the both of you.

You both work hard and make sacrifices and you’ve been compensated for it in the form of wages (fair or not). So, when you come together, create a budget that fulfills both of your needs. Up until I got the boot from my job last year, I was the breadwinner in our marriage.

But did I ever take it to the head? No. And it’s a good thing I didn’t because now my husband is the breadwinner and just imagine how stupid I would feel if I made a habit of rubbing it in his face that I made more money than him?

We’ve always worked together and created a budget that took into account our own personal desires, shared financial goals, and family needs. We divided the money up into separate accounts that included our personal spending accounts and kept it moving.

But What If My Spouse Is Digging Us Into a Black Hole?

I see this issue a lot and I wanted to address it before wrapping things up. Sometimes one spouse is trying to make the finances work. You both have either joint accounts or a combination of joint/separate accounts, but your spouse has a spending problem that is leaving you in the black each month.

Your partner spends all their money and then dips into your joint money. Heck, sometimes they sneak and get your money. This definitely needs to be addressed, but unfortunately, this is not a problem that I can personally help you solve.

Now what I can say is that if I were in this situation, I would get counseling, open up the lines of communication with my spouse, and set up our financial system to pay bills using an account that only I have access to. I crave security and the way my trust is set up, he would have to work with this system until he agrees to get help.

Why?

Because I love him and my kids and I don’t want to see any of us in the streets, nor do I want to ever see a bankruptcy judge again. However, I would be clear and honest with him about why I’m doing this and support him as he gets his ish together.

I know most won’t agree with this because of this whole “we are one” thing they have going on and that’s fine. That’s you. If you are cool with your spouse bankrupting you, I don’t have any problems with it either. But personally, I would take preventative measures to ensure I protect our finances, not to be controlling or anything, but to help us overcome the obstacle.

I would expect my spouse to do the same thing if I had a problem that I needed help overcoming. The key here is not to assign blame but to focus on a solution. Sometimes all it takes is one discussion with your spouse to fix the issue. You have to communicate! If that doesn’t cut it, you shouldn’t feel guilty about taking extraordinary measures to maintain financial security.

Related Reading: How 7 Women Got Their Spouses on Board to Pay Off Debt

Wrapping Thangs Up

With all of this said, think of your finances as a teammate sport where trust, accountability, and respect is essential to bringing home a win. Having separate accounts is notabout separate finances. It’s about organizing your finances in a way to help both of you to achieve your individual and shared dreams.

Your decision to organize your finances should be a healthy decision, not made in fear and not one made to keep things from your spouse. Don’t allow the common misconceptions of lack of respect, trust, not wanting to be married, and lack of access to your money discourage you from implementing a system that could possibly transform your financial lives.

Remember, it’s not about the setup, it’s about whatever works. To discover what works for you, both of you need to start communicating with each other about your wishes. I’ve created a free pdf download to help couples facilitate discussion when it comes to personal finances.

It’s not the easiest thing in the world to talk about money, but the sooner we start getting clear on what we want and communicate our desires to one another, the quicker we’ll get to financial freedom. Be sure to download your copy by clicking the image below.

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4 Misconceptions About Married Couples and Separate Bank Accounts (2024)

FAQs

Why married couples should not have separate bank accounts? ›

Couples may want to keep joint accounts because they ensure both spouses can access money at any time. If only one person's name is on an account and that spouse becomes injured or ill, their partner may be unable to pull out money needed for medical expenses or other bills.

Is it okay for married couples to have separate bank accounts? ›

Why have separate bank accounts? Financial experts won't deny that joint accounts can have benefits for a couple, but for some experts those benefits can be maintained even with separate accounts. Plus, separate accounts may prevent uncertainties about each other's spending habits that occur with a joint account.

Why a married couple might prefer a joint account to separate single accounts? ›

Pros and Cons of a Joint Bank Account

Provides financial transparency and accountability for couples: Joint bank accounts allow couples full access to each other's money and financial habits. Couples will also be able to get a detailed look at the percentage of their income that goes toward each spending category.

Why does my husband wants separate bank accounts? ›

Couples may want to keep separate bank accounts if they want more independence to save and spend money as they like. Spouses who are experiencing financial abuse, domestic violence or other marital issues may want a separate bank account as security or as a means to escape a bad situation.

Should married couples keep their money separate? ›

There's no rule that getting married means you have to combine everything, including money. For couples in certain situations, such as blended families, couples with financial incompatibility or a spouse with an inheritance, it may be best to keep at least some finances separate.

Why you should not have multiple bank accounts? ›

Having multiple checking accounts could also mean more maintenance — and more fees — from the bank if you fall below the minimum balance requirements or inactivity thresholds. Be sure to stay on top of your finances to avoid paying any unnecessary fees or losing out on accruing interest.

How many bank accounts should a married couple have? ›

"You need four bank accounts." So for anyone curious, here's a breakdown of why Harvey believes there are four bank accounts—each with its own dedicated purpose—that every married couple needs to have.

How many bank accounts should you and your wife have? ›

An expert recommends having four bank accounts for budgeting and building wealth. Open two checking accounts, one for bills and one for spending money. Have a savings account for your emergency fund, then a second account for other savings goals.

Should married couples have separate bank accounts Dave Ramsey? ›

Dave Ramsey advises married couples to combine all their financial accounts. He says it creates more unity in the relationship and helps with building wealth.

How do most married couples handle finances? ›

There are three common approaches when it comes to budgeting as a couple: merge everything together and share all income and expenses, create a joint account that both people contribute to for shared expenses while also maintaining separate accounts, or keep everything separate and split the bills.

How should married couples split finances? ›

Keep separate accounts, but make equal payments

Many couples find it easiest to maintain separate financial accounts with their own funds. From there, they contribute equally to shared expenses.

Why do couples keep their finances separate? ›

Some engaged or married couples prefer to keep their finances separate; this might be to protect an inheritance or business, or to ensure one partner isn't responsible for the other's debts.

Who should pay bills in a marriage? ›

Some couples pay their household bills from a joint account to which both partners contribute. Others divide the bills, with each partner paying their share from their individual accounts. It's also important to make sure the division of bills is fair and equitable for both partners.

Does separate bank accounts lead to divorce? ›

Couples who established bank accounts after the marriage began must divide these accounts equally when seeking divorce. Specific accounts that contain marital funds are the marital property of both parties. The name on the account is not important when it comes to deciding who “owns” the account for divorce purposes.

Should couples split bills 50 50? ›

There isn't any right or wrong way to split bills. It's all about open communication and what's important to each person. It's perfectly normal to split any bill, whether an electricity bill or dinner bill. However, make room in your relationship if one person wants to treat the other to a dinner out.

How do I protect myself financially from my spouse? ›

Here are six things you can do to prepare:
  1. Hire an experienced divorce attorney. Ideally, this person will emphasize mediation or collaborative divorce over litigation. ...
  2. Open accounts in your name only. ...
  3. Sort out mortgage and rent payments. ...
  4. Be prepared to share retirement accounts.

Do most marriages end because of money? ›

Money is widely known as one of the leading causes of divorce in America. It's estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money.

Is it healthy to have separate bank accounts? ›

Having a separate bank account in marriage gives you a sense of financial independence, self-identity and empowerment. You make more than your spouse. I have friends who out-earn their husbands by a considerable margin and don't like the idea of splitting the difference, no matter how educated or progressive they are.

What are the pros and cons of having multiple bank accounts? ›

The Pros and Cons of Multiple Savings Accounts
  • Advantage: Protect your savings from yourself. ...
  • Advantage: Contribute toward multiple goals. ...
  • Disadvantage: Harder to meet the minimum balance requirements for earning interest. ...
  • Disadvantage: More confusing than having a single savings account.

Should I keep all my money in one bank? ›

As long as that bank is FDIC-insured and your deposit doesn't exceed $250,000, you should be safe to do so. It might be worth it to maintain an account at a separate bank, however, just in case a bank error or accidental account freeze results in a loss of access to your money for a time.

How much does the average couple have in their bank account? ›

The cost of savings varies across age groups, with the Boomer Generation, or those 55 and older, having the highest average savings at over $55,000. Savings also fluctuates based on family structure. Couples with no children reported the highest average savings of $68,170 and a median of $11,000 in 2019.

Can I empty my bank account before divorce? ›

The key term here is “leading up to.” Emptying an account years before a divorce is not a punishable offense, but doing so within a reasonable timeframe of a divorce can lead to consequences for the spouse making the withdrawal.

Why you should have 4 bank accounts? ›

Multiple accounts can help you separate spending money from savings and household money from individual earnings. Tracking savings goals. Having multiple bank accounts may help track individual savings goals more easily. Separating finances.

How many bank accounts does the average American have? ›

The average person in the US has approximately 5.3 bank accounts. In 2019, an FDIC survey of 33,000 individuals found that 95.4% of American households were “banked,” meaning that they owned at least one or more bank accounts.

Is it OK to have too many bank accounts? ›

There is no limit to the number of checking accounts that you can have. But it's a good idea to limit the number of accounts to an amount that you can reasonably and sustainably manage. Too many checking accounts can make it harder to track deposits and withdrawals.

How should married people manage their bank accounts? ›

Keep a Joint Bank Account, But Also Separate Accounts

Genkin says some couples should consider setting up a joint checking account for shared expenses such as the mortgage, groceries and utilities – and automatically transferring most of their paychecks into the joint account.

How many bank accounts does Dave Ramsey recommend? ›

The guys suggest using one bank and breaking it down into multiple accounts. each one has its own purpose and can be. Spreading your money everywhere gives control away. Don't overcomplicate things either make sure you are not making an account for every little thing just what you need.

What changes when you get married financially? ›

Married couples enjoy more Social Security benefits, tax breaks, retirement options, estate planning perks, and cheaper insurance (health and auto).

Who owns the money in a joint bank account? ›

The money in joint accounts belongs to both owners. Either person can withdraw or spend the money at will — even if they weren't the one to deposit the funds. The bank makes no distinction between money deposited by one person or the other, making a joint account useful for handling shared expenses.

Should husband and wife open joint account? ›

After all, pooling one's resources seems to make a marriage happier and more stable—something most couples want when they first say “I do.” “Couples do seem to be happier when they have a joint account, at least for those first two years of marriage—and possibly later, too,” says Olson.

Why not to have a joint account? ›

There are disadvantages to this approach: for a start, if you have a joint account, you're jointly liable for any debt, such as an overdraft. If your partner can't (or won't) pay, the bank could come after you for the lot. It can be better to keep separate accounts if one of you is carrying a big debt.

What are financial red flags in a relationship? ›

Such habits amount to what money experts call "financial infidelity." "Things like being overly secretive with your money, lying about spending and refusing to share financial information with you are red flags," Victoria said. Financial abuse can also occur in relationships.

What is the 50 30 20 rule? ›

One of the most common types of percentage-based budgets is the 50/30/20 rule. The idea is to divide your income into three categories, spending 50% on needs, 30% on wants, and 20% on savings.

Why is money an issue in marriage? ›

“Most financial issues in marriage come down to one main factor: both partners have different core values about money,” certified counselor and creator of The Popular Man Jonathan Bennett explained. “And, many of these financial values developed very early and are difficult to change.

What is the 40 30 20 10 rule? ›

40% of your time should be devoted to your most important priority. 30% of your time should be devoted to your second priority. 20% of your time should be devoted to your third priority. 10% of your time should be devoted to everything else (urgent and obligatory tasks).

Is a husband financially responsible for his wife? ›

As a general rule, you are not responsible for the debts of your spouse. Also, if you marry someone you do not become obligated to pay the debts they incurred prior to the marriage.

Should couples combine finances or keep separate accounts? ›

Couples who were told to open joint bank accounts reported substantially higher relationship quality two years later than those who maintained separate accounts, Olson said, adding that merging promotes greater financial goal alignment and transparency, and a communal understanding of marriage.

What percentage of married couples keep their finances separate? ›

How many couples are actually combining finances? Bankrate reported that about 43% of married couples have combined their money according to a survey done. About 37% of millennials maintain separate banking accounts, according to a survey by Business Insider and Morning Consult.

Who should hold the main financial responsibility in a marriage? ›

In households where one spouse shoulders all of the financial responsibility, that spouse is typically the husband. It is also common for wives to handle bill paying and shopping while husbands manage the big picture planning, such as retirement accounts, insurance and tax planning.

Are you financially responsible for your wife? ›

When someone dies with an unpaid debt, it's generally paid with the money or property left in the estate. If your spouse dies, you're generally not responsible for their debt, unless it's a shared debt, or you are responsible under state law.

Who pays for everything in a marriage? ›

Ultimately, the way you decide who pays for the wedding is up to you, your partner, and your families. You might be aware that the bride's family is expected to cover the majority of the wedding day costs, while the groom's family pays for a variety of extra activities, like the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon.

Why spouses should have separate bank accounts? ›

Separate accounts allow each partner to retain their financial independence and spend or save how they want. That, in turn, may lead to more harmony in a marriage if each spouse doesn't feel as if he or she has to justify spending habits.

Why does my wife want a separate bank account? ›

Couples may want to keep separate bank accounts if they want more independence to save and spend money as they like. Spouses who are experiencing financial abuse, domestic violence or other marital issues may want a separate bank account as security or as a means to escape a bad situation.

Is my wife entitled to my savings? ›

The general principle is that personal assets within the matrimonial pot should be divided equally upon divorce.

Is it better for married couples to have joint accounts? ›

Beyond showing trust, a joint account also helps provide a layer of transparency, something separate bank accounts cannot. With shared responsibility for the same account, each partner can keep track of how much money is coming in and how much is going out.

What are the benefits of a joint bank account with your spouse? ›

The main benefit of a joint bank account is that it makes your financial life easier. You can reduce the time, cost and hassle of paying bills by sharing household expenses such as mortgages, car payments, utilities and groceries. You can also save toward shared goals, such as a new home or a vacation.

What are the disadvantages of joint account? ›

CONS:
  • Lack of control. You cannot control how the other party spends your money. ...
  • A partner's debt could be an issue. Now that you are merged into one account, you need to be open to your partner paying his or her individual debt from your joint account. ...
  • No privacy. ...
  • Termination of the relationship.

How should couples split finances? ›

Keep separate accounts, but make equal payments

Many couples find it easiest to maintain separate financial accounts with their own funds. From there, they contribute equally to shared expenses.

What are the pros and cons of opening a joint bank account? ›

Joint Bank Account Pros and Cons
  • Transparency. Financial transparency can be difficult to achieve and maintain if you and your partner only have separate accounts. ...
  • Simplicity. ...
  • Goal Setting. ...
  • Cost Savings. ...
  • Easy-to-use tools. ...
  • Meet your goals sooner. ...
  • Joint responsibility. ...
  • Lack of privacy.
May 1, 2023

What are the rules for joint bank accounts? ›

(a) Each co-owner of a joint account is insured up to $250,000 for the combined amount of his or her interests in all joint accounts of the same IDI. (b) The FDIC assumes each co-owner is an equal owner unless the IDI records clearly indicate otherwise.

What happens to a joint bank account when one person does? ›

Most joint bank accounts include automatic rights of survivorship, which means that after one account signer dies, the remaining signer (or signers) retain ownership of the money in the account. The surviving primary account owner can continue using the account, and the money in it, without any interruptions.

Why is it bad to have a joint bank account? ›

One spouse's poor credit likely won't impact the other, but if you open a joint account, it will appear on both of your credit reports, which could affect any joint applications for a mortgage or other loan. A lender would co-score both spouses, which may mean taking the lowest or median credit score, Pareto explains.

Can one spouse freeze a joint bank account? ›

You can go off and freeze a joint bank account quite easily. If you contact your bank, tell them you're separated, you want to freeze the account, they will do that quite readily. Or make it a dual signatory account. So, that's easy to do.

How do I protect myself from a joint account? ›

Ask your bank to change the way any joint account is set up so that both of you have to agree to any money being withdrawn, or to freeze it. Be aware that if you freeze the account, both of you have to agree to 'unfreeze' it.

What are the benefits of a joint account? ›

All holders of a joint account get equal access to funds. This makes it easier to manage daily expenses. With a joint account, there is lesser chance of “financial shocks” since all holders know the account balance, income and expenses.

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